Welcome Home [You] (myspace)

[When I left home to be who I am/some people said "no way"]

I'm from a small town. I never thought so before, but I kinda am. And my heritage is in small towns- my parents both came from much smaller towns. I am only in the second generation on either side of my family to go to college. I don't come from a long line of people with big fancy degrees. But I do come from a family who works hard and never lets anything hold them back. From a family that never let college stand in the way of amazing careers and being leaders in their communities. When I left home to come to Baylor... it was a big deal. It still is. I know how hard my entire family has worked to make this possible for me, and I am so very very greatful...

[but i laid it all down, gave everything/ in my head rang the words that my father said]

I have been running since I got here. Maybe I need a break. From day one, its been how do I get involved, meet friends, learn new things, teach others, give back to the community. But maybe I need a rest. I need to jump off the normal path and find a change. I need something fresh... I am missing out on so much by never slowing down. There are so many small things I want to do. I want to stretch myself, find my wings, find my hidden passions and soar off into the horizon.

[ you're never far/ i will be where you are/ and when you come to me/i will open my arms]

I miss nature. I miss fourwheelers on back roads. Fishing in my pond. Long runs on cold summer mornings in Philly. The blue, blue sky of Tucson. The hills and vast green-ness of Birmingham. The cold crisp snow of Denver. The simple things in life. You can't make those yourself- they are God's gift, yet we forget about them so much. And that is so sad... I mean, how can you not feel His presense when you look at the magnificance of His hands? Play in the rain. Run in the cold. Dance under the stars. Live every second of life, you never know when it will be your last...

[ welcome home, you/ i know you by name]

I've lost a few good friends. Its tough moving on without them. Kate, it was tough sitting next to your empty chair tonight and knowing that it will forever be empty. But I know you lived every second of life to the absolute fullest. I know you were passionate about everything in your life... and you fought the fight up until the last seconds before He called you home. I know that the moment you left this earth, Jesus welcomed you home with a big bear hug. I know this is the study abroad trip you never dreamed of... I can't imagine the art lessons you are getting up there hun. 

[ how do you do?.. i shine because of you today]

There are so many things I have gotten to do because people in my life took the time to genuinely care. Professors who have given me wonderful opportunities to learn and grow both inside and outside the classroom. Sorority sisters who have taken a chance with me and let me try new things and spread my wings. So many friends who have just BEEN there. Friends who haven't been afraid to tell me hard things that I didn't want to face, and didn't back down from the tears that followed. 

[ so come and sit down/ tell me how you are]

I have missed so dearly this semester sitting down with friends and having coffee and long walks around campus and silly slumber parties and late night giggling over old movies. It seems the older I get, the more fast paced life is. I miss my friends... I miss laughing and crying and praying with people that I know would and have done the same for me. Next semester, I am slowing down... I want the time to build back up some of those relationships. 

[ i know son, it's good just to see your face.]

Sometimes, a familiar smile is what your day needs. Being with my entire family was so good over Christmas. I miss my step grandmother terribly, she was a part of my life as far back as I can remember, and it still hurts going into her house and knowing she isn't there. But it was so good to be with people who felt the same way, and still be able to laugh and make her favorite recipes... I'm sorry I was so insistent with making the stuffing for Thanksgiving. That was her big thing, and I wanted so badly to try to make the recipe perfect so she would be proud of me. 

[ when i look at you holding my heart/i will give to you all that i have ]

For years, I have run from one of the things I have wanted more than anything. because I was scared to give up another piece of me and risk getting hurt. And now.. I am finally at the place where I want to trust you. I have no reason not to, some of the toughest things I have faced in college were with you by my side making me laugh and forcing me to believe in myself... and reminding me over and over God's promises and His love for us. I know I have told you how I feel, but one day you should ask me in person, because there is so much more there, and I think I would need to look into your eyes to have the courage to say how much these past few years have meant to me.

[ son i know there'll be times/ you will feel all alone/i will share with you the words my father said]

And thats what it comes down to. No matter how hard all of this has been, no matter how much I feel alone, I know that my Jesus is there holding me through all of this. I know He will never leave me on my own, and that when I ask He will help me through even the toughest of days. I know in my own strength I can do very little, but in His, I can do anything.



ps, if you have never heard the song that I have sporadically placed through this, listen to it... Welcome Home

RIP Kate (From FB)

This week I had a dear friend and sister die. It has left myself and the rest of my sisters in shock... struggling to find answers and find a new normal. We know Kate is in a better place, yet we still long to see her walk through the door again with her beautiful smile and sparkling personality. I cam across this poem today, and it just made me think of Kate... I know she would have wanted us to remember the good times as much as possible. 

You can shed tears that she is gone,
Or you can smile because she lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
Or can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live for yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what she'd want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Sweetheart I will never forget your hugs... our million cute pictures... dancing in the fountain... all the silly texts...Pei Wei and driving around town... those boots... switching dates... Sisterhood lasts forever, and death can't end that. Until we meet again sister, you will always be in my heart. May angels lead you in...

..::*little black dress*::.. (myspace)

When you think happiness... I hope you think that  little black dress. soo obsessed with that song! ahhh! so I had an academic advisement session today... and I realized 2 things. 

1. I really do love Baylor. and 

2. I really am a small town kind of girl.  

The first was because my advisor is so amazing. She helped me fix my schedule, to make sure I am on track for marketing and pre law, and then we talked about my family. Thats right, be jealous, your college advisor probably doesn't care if you HAVE a family. Mine wants to meet them. This is just one of millions of reasons why I love this university, the people are just so amazing!   

And the second... well probably because of what I just explained. I like to get to know people, and I love running into people I know... I just like small towns. Which is why I complain about Waco infinately less than my friends do.  

So I like this quote: "Southern Debutantes are wrecking balls all dressed up in pink cotton candy. A southern girl is a girl who knows full and well that she can open a door for herself but prefers for the gentleman to do it because it demonstrates a sense of respect. After all, every girl wants to be treated like a princess. Southern Debutantes endure a lot with a smile on their face. Many times they'll smile when they really want to scream. She's the feminist who can still turn a man's head without a slap. We pick our battles and fight with the heart of a pitbull while still maintaining grace and elegance. Our mystique is that of a soft-spoken, mild-mannered woman who could direct an army, loves her momma, and will always be her daddy's little girl." hahahaha. :)  

OK so little black dress. There was a point there. Next weekend is my former roomie's wedding. Which, I am totally pumped about. She is amazing, he is amazing, and they are adorable. But I got a little black dress... with WHITE POLKA DOTS!!! I love polka dots. Its so cute. It makes me feel better about going to a wedding and being single. And actually, I'm not really upset that I am single. It was my choice to be single, and it has been my choice to remain single. So while I know some people think that I must be oh-so-upset... I'm really NOT.  It has been a nice change, and I am at peace because I know God has something amazing in store for me, and for once I'm not trying to rush it. Plus... there are 5 more years of school ahead of me. 

Thats right, law school. and lets go THERE... me at law school. I find it slightly annoying how many people think I am a "dumb sorority girl". First of all, we have standards and GPA requirements, so shut up none of us are stupid or we wouldn't have gotten in. (*disclaimer: yes, I will admit not everyone who is greek is brilliant. But at Baylor, everyone is pretty smart, so give us some credit here!) Even before I went greek, I would have people (mainly guys) tell me that I would be a trophy wife. Uhhh... anyone lookin in my direction for a trophy wife is NUTS. I have a brain, an opinion, and I know how to shoot a gun quite well. I'll never be a trophy wife. And to everyone who thinks I can't hold a decent conversation... try me. I can defend my views and debate issues, and I really am smart. I love how I went from being a nerd to being a ditz... further proves some people are wayyy too shallow.  

Oh, and while I am airing my feelings... GUYS IT IS OK NOT TO BE DIRTY 24/7. omgshhhh this one is driving me nuts. At work the other night, we were talking about Field of Dreams. and the quote "Build it and they will come". Well, I was explaining how in hs we had a cheesy shirt that said that with a cheer pyramid on the front. And all the guys start laughing and making it into a dirty joke. Thanks guys, I just love it when you a) can't stop making fun of me and b) have to make everything dirty to appear macho. Lets just say, after this summer, my opinion of guys in a certain frat has gone way down.   

haha, this sounds so down and ranting... but thats really not how I feel at all. My life is amazing, and even when it is boring, it is so EXCITING and full of fun! God is amazing, and He can always make a way when there seems to be no way... I can see His work so much in my life and it just blows my mind, because I know I don't deserve any of it.

If you believed in it, you would be doing something about it (myspace)

When you thing Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
the way we danced all night long
the moon like a spotlight on the lake.
When you think happiness 
I hope you think that little black dress
think of my head on your chest
and my old faded bluejeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me

Totally in love with that song. But in other news...


THINGS I HAVE LEARNED THIS SEMESTER
(because it obviously wasn't anything in the classroom!!!)
1. Dropping a class does not make you a bad person.
It means you are willing to admit defeat, and know you signed up for more than you can handle. It also means you are keeping yourself from ending up in the emergency room because you body has way too much stress on it.

2. Sometimes late night conversations are better than studying 
Sometimes your friends really need you. Sometimes you really need them. Sometimes it is just knowing that the memory of walking around the Bear Trail and talking about how you want to pick up the brick from the construction site will stick with you far longer than the formula for calculating the Variable Overhead Variance will. Or the memory of lighting the Christmas Tree at 2am during finals, the sick slumber parties, the endless movies and giggling, the recruitment talks and random deep conversations... etc.

3. True friends will do ANYTHING for you. 
Sometimes anything is pick you up when you stayed home from school sick in bed and take you to the mall. Sometimes its bringing you Pei Wei because you had a bad day and can't stop crying. Sometimes its bringing you medecine when you are both broke and sick. Sometimes its a shoulder to cry on, help with homework, or a place to crash.

4. Family is forever. 
Going home for Easter, I LOVED seeing my cousins. I don't know why, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but it was so fun to sit around and laugh with them and be goofy. And my brothers... ohhh goodness. There is a 14 yr old with a michevious smile that makes me soooo happy every time I see him... even when he decides to beat his big sis up haha. And I love when Matt comes over after class, or calls me at 1am to see if I will make him something to eat.

5. Discipline would be a good thing to work on 
Haha... this applies to my grades, my time, and my money. Ohhhh goodness, the things I have learned this semester.

6. Good music can change your day
I have a mix on my iTunes that is amazing. Its called Country Time on the Beach. Haha, I dont think that needs explanation. I love it.

7. I like the simple things 
Sometimes all the material things around me really start to bother me. Sometimes the importance placed on them really makes me sad. In the long run, it will all be gone and it doesn't matter. What WILL matter are the friendships... the memories... the lessons learned... what you leave behind.


I'm a small town girl... I love blaring country music with the windows down. I love to have fun, but don't like drinking and wild partying. I have a million thoughts and hopes and fears, but I don't share them until you take the time to talk to me and get to know me. So many people THINK they know me, but it makes me laugh because they have no idea. My good friends know me, I hold nothing back. If you want to know something or are going through a rough time, you should come talk, I give some good advice sometimes. I like to hook people up, because I love to see my friends happy. I don't date because I haven't had anyone try and prove its worth my time right now, I am tired of settling and tired of chasing. If you want to show me otherwise, be my guest, I try almost everything once. I have a patriotic streak, don't talk during the National Anthem, or I will go off on you the moment it is over. I hate not being taken seriously, I may be short and I may look young, but I will get my point across one way or another. I make some of the best cookies you will ever have. Not that complicated, very simple, but you will eat a lot. Trust me. I can be really stubborn.... like, really. I like to write letters. Not emails, but letters. Maybe I was born in the wrong generation. I am determined, I go after everything full force, and then I might completly change my mind, but its not because I didnt give it everything I have.

and now... I should go study for finals. or something like that.

A Year Later (myspace)

3.29.06

You would think that after a year, the memories would have faded some.
That I couldnt still hear that voice "Lindsey... there is something I need to tell you... there was a wreck..."
That I couldnt still hear him say among the hundreds of phone calls that afternoon, first "Lindsey, it was Alicia"... and then later, "Lindsey, the other one was Ashley Brown". And my disbelief, no, not them, it wasnt them, no not this.
You would think I wouldnt be able to close my eyes and still hear that voice asking me if she was ok. If she got off the bus. And you would think after all this time, I wouldnt still remember how much my heart hurt to cry and not be able to tell you that you would see that beautiful smile again.
You would think I couldnt still feel my dads arms around me and the tears down my face when I showed up at his office after making that horrible drive home. Or the panic attack I had when I was supposed to ride a charter bus just days later. I couldnt breathe- I never got on that bus, I took my own car.
You would think that now I might have forgotten that conversation Alicia and I had over Christmas. She wanted me to go to George's, visit her uncle. I haven't been able to go since then, I haven't been strong enough. Maybe I will go after work tomorrow... I should for her.
You would think the memory of Ashley's impish grin would have faded a little. That I wouldnt remember her quick wit and wonderful analogies as we taught middle school students that summer at church.
But its all there. All it takes is closing my eyes, and I go back. And yah, most people prolly have no idea how hard I took it... and I dont know that I ever have the words to explain that either. But I think about them nearly every day. That date if forever burned in my memory, as is the entire weekend of funerals. Coming home from college to bury friends who are younger than you, it seems so wrong.
I stopped at the wreck sight on the way to the airport over Thanksgiving. I wanted to bring flowers, but who is open on Thanksgiving day?? I pulled over and got out... kneeled in front of all the memorials and took it in. And prayed for your families, I know the holidays cant be easy. And then... I found out less than 5 minutes later that Lauren was in ICU, and just days later, she was gone too. I couldnt make it home for her funeral, but I can still picture her mischevious smile when we were making sure that our flute section was misbehaving during summer band.
I have lost a lot of people the past couple of years. But I have also learned an important lesson. People will remember you by the way you live. It is up to you how you want them to remember you.
"You can't choose how you will die, but you can choose how you will live."

What if... (myspace)

What if you dared to live your life in such a radical way, your friends didnt recognize you anymore??

What if you dared to put Christ above all others, and not care what the rest of the world wants??

What if you went off and did what he asked you to.. no questions asked... even if it was to build a boat for a flood... when the skies were clear as could be.

what then?