Welcome Home [You] (myspace)

[When I left home to be who I am/some people said "no way"]

I'm from a small town. I never thought so before, but I kinda am. And my heritage is in small towns- my parents both came from much smaller towns. I am only in the second generation on either side of my family to go to college. I don't come from a long line of people with big fancy degrees. But I do come from a family who works hard and never lets anything hold them back. From a family that never let college stand in the way of amazing careers and being leaders in their communities. When I left home to come to Baylor... it was a big deal. It still is. I know how hard my entire family has worked to make this possible for me, and I am so very very greatful...

[but i laid it all down, gave everything/ in my head rang the words that my father said]

I have been running since I got here. Maybe I need a break. From day one, its been how do I get involved, meet friends, learn new things, teach others, give back to the community. But maybe I need a rest. I need to jump off the normal path and find a change. I need something fresh... I am missing out on so much by never slowing down. There are so many small things I want to do. I want to stretch myself, find my wings, find my hidden passions and soar off into the horizon.

[ you're never far/ i will be where you are/ and when you come to me/i will open my arms]

I miss nature. I miss fourwheelers on back roads. Fishing in my pond. Long runs on cold summer mornings in Philly. The blue, blue sky of Tucson. The hills and vast green-ness of Birmingham. The cold crisp snow of Denver. The simple things in life. You can't make those yourself- they are God's gift, yet we forget about them so much. And that is so sad... I mean, how can you not feel His presense when you look at the magnificance of His hands? Play in the rain. Run in the cold. Dance under the stars. Live every second of life, you never know when it will be your last...

[ welcome home, you/ i know you by name]

I've lost a few good friends. Its tough moving on without them. Kate, it was tough sitting next to your empty chair tonight and knowing that it will forever be empty. But I know you lived every second of life to the absolute fullest. I know you were passionate about everything in your life... and you fought the fight up until the last seconds before He called you home. I know that the moment you left this earth, Jesus welcomed you home with a big bear hug. I know this is the study abroad trip you never dreamed of... I can't imagine the art lessons you are getting up there hun. 

[ how do you do?.. i shine because of you today]

There are so many things I have gotten to do because people in my life took the time to genuinely care. Professors who have given me wonderful opportunities to learn and grow both inside and outside the classroom. Sorority sisters who have taken a chance with me and let me try new things and spread my wings. So many friends who have just BEEN there. Friends who haven't been afraid to tell me hard things that I didn't want to face, and didn't back down from the tears that followed. 

[ so come and sit down/ tell me how you are]

I have missed so dearly this semester sitting down with friends and having coffee and long walks around campus and silly slumber parties and late night giggling over old movies. It seems the older I get, the more fast paced life is. I miss my friends... I miss laughing and crying and praying with people that I know would and have done the same for me. Next semester, I am slowing down... I want the time to build back up some of those relationships. 

[ i know son, it's good just to see your face.]

Sometimes, a familiar smile is what your day needs. Being with my entire family was so good over Christmas. I miss my step grandmother terribly, she was a part of my life as far back as I can remember, and it still hurts going into her house and knowing she isn't there. But it was so good to be with people who felt the same way, and still be able to laugh and make her favorite recipes... I'm sorry I was so insistent with making the stuffing for Thanksgiving. That was her big thing, and I wanted so badly to try to make the recipe perfect so she would be proud of me. 

[ when i look at you holding my heart/i will give to you all that i have ]

For years, I have run from one of the things I have wanted more than anything. because I was scared to give up another piece of me and risk getting hurt. And now.. I am finally at the place where I want to trust you. I have no reason not to, some of the toughest things I have faced in college were with you by my side making me laugh and forcing me to believe in myself... and reminding me over and over God's promises and His love for us. I know I have told you how I feel, but one day you should ask me in person, because there is so much more there, and I think I would need to look into your eyes to have the courage to say how much these past few years have meant to me.

[ son i know there'll be times/ you will feel all alone/i will share with you the words my father said]

And thats what it comes down to. No matter how hard all of this has been, no matter how much I feel alone, I know that my Jesus is there holding me through all of this. I know He will never leave me on my own, and that when I ask He will help me through even the toughest of days. I know in my own strength I can do very little, but in His, I can do anything.



ps, if you have never heard the song that I have sporadically placed through this, listen to it... Welcome Home