Packing

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate packing of any kind... but that I hate unpacking even more. Unfortunately, I have a big move coming up, and so I have to start thinking about packing on a very large scale. It is a bittersweet thought- I'm excited to move to a new place, but I have come to love this apartment and I finally have everything where I want it... 15 months later.

As a part of this move I have had to get some moving quotes. I'm planning on actually moving myself (because I'm crazy, I just admitted I hate packing!), but this is a work move so I had to get a quote. It is the weirdest thing I have ever done. Or at least close. You invite someone into your home, and they walk around, opening all of your cabinets and inventorying your life. Some of them like to comment on everything you own, others are quiet and just make notes. They count your cups, your clothes, your picture frames, everything. And these people are good- one glance and they know if that stack of plates is for 8 or 12.

Every person has commented on my diplomas and made snide remarks about me having two. Seriously. Don't get me started on how much that annoys me. Really dude? I have 2 degrees. Get over it. Nobody asked you. They aren't hung in a particularly prominent place, they are pretty much on the wall I look at the least. But if I don't hang them up, I have to have a place to put them, and I don't really have any extra storage. Besides, those 2 pieces of paper represent a combined 5 years of blood, sweat and tears. And more money than I care to admit. Why do people feel the need to comment on them??

Moving is weird. And hard. Anyone want to come wrap dishes?

Believe

The best place to start is always the beginning... but I'm not sure where this story begins. So I'll start with the moment that I made this picture the background on my computer.

I was going through a stretch of time where I was having trouble trusting that there was a purpose for everything going on around me. I've been going through a work merger for about 8 months (my client's, not my company) and it had really begun to wear on me. This combined with the fact that my loving boyfriend had just moved back to MY home state without me was really starting to get me down. It felt like my dreams were floating further and further away by the day. And then one day, perhaps from desperation, I google image searched the word believe. I desperately needed a visual reminder to do what should come so naturally to me. And I found this picture. Now, it is not the most professional background I've ever seen on a work computer (although neither is a drooling baby, so I'm not exactly concerned about it). I've actually had a coworker mock it in a way, not knowing what it meant to me. But for me, this image has reminded me every day that there is something bigger out there. That these 8-10 (or 12 or 16) hours a day at work are not the most important thing. That when all I can feel around me is despair and fear, that I am safe in the belief that my God is bigger than all of this. That though I may (and will) face many earthly struggles, He is going to be right there with me. That this world is not what I am living for, but for a home I can't quite imagine.

All that believing has helped me lower my stress (somewhat). And now... some of those dreams I have believed in have started coming true. More on that later. But sometimes, all we need is that reminder to believe. To believe in our dreams, to believe in ourselves, but most importantly to believe in a God who loves us and is bigger than all the things we are facing.

It's been awhile...

It has been awhile since I've blogged on a regular basis (to the point that part of me doesn't even want to go back and read old posts because let's be honest, sometimes that is like picking up an old journal and it makes you cringe).

But life has thrown some new adventures my way, so I figured why not put it down on paper (so to speak). I can't promise it will be worth reading, but this is the kind of adventure you only get once in a lifetime, so I might as well attempt to document it.

I'm so spoiled...

I really am. I had this realization last night at dinner, when my wonderful boyfriend went to sit down (after getting up to get our food, realizing they screwed his up, bringing me mine, sitting down, and getting back up to check on his) just as I realized I was out of diet coke. I made a face, and he immediately hopped up to get me some. I offered, and he just smiled and said no, he would grab me some. I know that sounds like a really small thing. And maybe it is. But at the end of a long, frustrating afternoon of homework, it made me smile. And its a million more things like that, every single day. Calling me before Sunday School to make sure I woke up because we were up late the night before. Bringing me coffee. Bringing me chocolate when I am deep in hw and look frustrated. Trying to do everything to go home with me at Spring Break so I can be in Texas for a few days. Giving me the stool he is using for his feet so that I can put my laptop on it while I read a book. Getting up and finding me a blanket because he knows I am cold and don't want to get up to get one. Having gmail and facebook open on his computer when he knows I am coming over to use it for hw, because I can't do hw without distractions. Letting me cover every surface of his house in sticky notes I have doodled on. Thinking all the silly things I do are cute.

I really am more lucky than I can put into words. Not sure how the heck he was single when I met him, but VERY thankful that he was. And that hes mine. :)

Homesick...

This last semester is so frustrating. I feel like it is always somehow harder to go home in the spring (despite the lack of football games to take up my weekends), but especially this year. Top that off with the fact that I don't have a job yet, and the fact that I just bought a car... I'm a bit homesick. I wish so bad I had the money to fly home but I just don't. I desperately wish I could go home at Spring Break, but I have serious doubts that will happen. I know its part of growing up... but living out here will be so much easier when I have the money to travel back. Texas will always be home... part of my heart will always be there.

September can't get here soon enough... thats the next time I know I have a fair shot of being able to get back. Thats so overwhelming to even think about-- it seems like forever. :(

Where I want to be...

So its January... starting the last semester of my graduate career. And we all know what that means... job apps anyone??
Its a tough transition. I feel like I've barely been here long enough to even get used to the idea that I no longer live in Texas, and yet its already coming to an end.
I'm getting into the job search process more, and its a bit rough. I know where I want to be, and yet I don't know at all. I tend to wait until I know 110% what I want to do before I run after it... and right now I feel like I am running after things because I a) need a job, and b) want to be near my boyfriend. That really isn't a BAD thing... its just difficult for me, because I have to apply and interview before my mind is made up about where I want to work or which jobs look like an exact match for me.

In all of this... I know God has a plan. Everytime I worry about May and the changes it will bring, I remind myself that He has brought me to this place in my life for a REASON. There is something amazing ahead... I'm just waiting to see what that is. <3

Its that time of year...

... where I choose to procrastinate on studying by reflecting on the previous semester. ;)

I'm sitting on my living room floor with the patio door partially open listening to the rain fall on the AC units outside (which almost sounds like a tin roof)... and of course, I have NO motivation to study. I take that back- I do have motivation. Apparently just not enough.

I am not excited about this job hunt that is coming up. I'm EXCITED about a job. I'm EXCITED about moving. Just not excited about finding a job that I can believe in and competing against people who are well... a tad less than honest. The job search thus far has only reminded me how BLESSED I am to have done my undergrad in a place that not only TAUGHT ethics, but really believed in being ethical in business practices. And this whole process is further complicated by the fact that in my heart, I know where I want to be. I just have to trust that God will either change my desires, or He will have a plan to get me to that place.

Looking back on this semester, its also kind of ironic where I am friend-wise. Not where I thought I would be. Not where I thought I wanted to be. But blessed beyond my wildest imagination. And yes, that includes my amazing boyfriend... ;)

This finals season finds me calming down a tad. Learning what REALLY matters at the end of the day. Remembering not only where I came from, but where it is I am going. Remembering that sometimes those leaps of faith are crazy and wild and scary, but that if you are leaping by FAITH, then you are leaping into the arms of a God who is going to catch you.

And now friends... its off to study. But I leave you with this song that I have been playing over and over and over this week...

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