PET PEEVES

I for sure have a few. But here are some note-able ones... and yes, this is a well deserved rant.

1. Being ignored. If I ask a question, I probably want an answer.

2. People not living for TODAY. No matter how many plan you make, you never know if you HAVE tomorrow. Yes, it is good to plan ahead and take steps to have a good future and get where you want to be. But you should NOT be so obsessed with something that is going to happen down the road that you let it stop you from enjoying the opportunities you have today.

3. Websites being down. I want to pay my credit card, please just not be down for maintenance. 4am is a better time to be down than midnight, duh.

4. People who don't do what they say they are going to do. If I count on someone, I want them to follow through, not leave me hanging.

5. Bedtimes/alarm clocks. I hate having to go to sleep... but I might hate waking up even worse. 

Life ain't always beautiful, but its a beautiful ride

For those of you unfamiliar with the lyrics to this song, you should totally google it. It feels so perfect right now. Kate, Ashley, and Alicia, I miss your smiles. I miss your beautiful laughter and the way you glowed with joy every day, no matter what.

Life isn't always beautiful. Right now, its downright messy. I spent the day with Kate's parents yesterday... and while it was a beautiful celebration of her life, it was so hard to sit there and watch her parents and family and friends struggle to understand while she only got 19 beautiful years to live. Its not fair.

Its not fair that 3 years ago today, the lives of so many changed in an instant. It was a freak accident, but it cost 2 beautiful, smiling girls their lives. And it drastically changed the lives of the others on that bus. No, they have not recovered fully... can you ever? I can still close my eyes and go back to every awful detail of that day.... and I wasn't even there.

I woke up this morning sad, sad because I miss these friends, and sad because I feel like I screwed up. Sometimes I just GO for things. And once I decide my oh-so-brilliant plans will work, there is not much convincing me otherwise. I think I forget that when my plans include other people, they have to be up for going on a crazy adventure too... I just like to live life big. I mean, if you can dream it, why not do it? Life is too short to have regrets or sit around waiting to see how things will work out...

And then even as I write this, I have had 2 people ask me to pray for situations that just break my heart... one is facing major life altering situations with a career, and another just found out a close friend is in ICU. WHY IS LIFE THIS HARD SOMETIMES? Its all not fair. And as I say that, I know God has a plan... but I also know that by admitting its not fair, I am not shocking God... he knows my heart. And life isn't fair. He never said it would be. He only said he would be there. The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair. And that really is beautiful. 

So right now... all I can do is sit still, and remember that without the pain and the clouds, its impossible to appreciate the beauty of life. 

And if I seem distant and aloof... I swear I'm not being a jerk. Its been a tough semester, and as much as I am excited about Georgia, there are some things its going to be hard to leave behind.  No matter how hard I try, there is simply not enough time to do everything I want and see everyone who has meant so much to me in the last 4 years here. I am trying to just get to a place where I can walk away with a smile and no regrets. And that has suddenly become incredibly difficult.... 

LAMENTATIONS 3:22-26

Because of the Lord's GREAT love 

we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

GREAT is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will WAIT for him."

The Lord is GOOD to those whose hope in in him,

to the one who seeks him;

it is GOOD to WAIT quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

Walk by faith...

"Faith isn't believing without proof-

it's trusting without reservation."

-- George MacDonald

"What lies behind us and what lies

before us are small matters compared

to what lies within us."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

This week at church we were talking about faith. And what it takes to have "great faith".  And I realized... maybe that has been the greatest lesson I have learned in college. Looking back, there are so many plans I had that managed to crash and burn... and for the most part, its a very good thing they did. Don't get me wrong- I have few regrets. I look back on my friendships, relationships, crazy ideas and random adventures and I know that there are memories that will last a lifetime. Nights on the suspension bridge, Dairy Queen sundays and cheap movies, grocery store trips, silly cartoons, our "usual" table, and sneaking Jamba Juic into the movies... I know those will always be the nights I look back on. But at the same time, I know there were other nights I will never forget. The nights I cried, or sat in silence, simply because I had no idea where my life was headed, and could not imagine how everything was going to come together.

Now, as I wrap up my last few weeks of college... I still do not know what the future holds. But I have seen where having faith that my God will work things out has brought me to a more beautiful place than I ever could have imagined myself.  And that gives me the hope to continue trusting... to continue to have faith that in the end, everything is going to be ok.

...Well I will walk by faith

even when I cannot see

Because this broken road

prepares Your will for me...

Feels like home to me...

This song is totally stuck in my head... 

If you knew how lonely my life has been

And how long I've been so alone

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along

And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

I was sitting in the Baylor science building today... and it struck me that I was sitting in the largest academic building in North America. That is just really, really cool. So I was sitting there, working on finance, on a Saturday night, and I realized how content I was. I WANTED to be learning, I wanted to be working hard to be able to go to Georgia next year. And maybe that is why I am where I am in life. Maybe that is weird, maybe people don't like that. I don't care. I'm doing what I love... and I would rather be there than anywhere else. 

Can't I just be me?

Where has this semester gone?!?

Its hard to believe my senior year is nearly 1/4 done already... wasn't it just last week that I was going back to class? And wasn't it just a few months ago that I was moving into a dorm room and figuring out how to survive on my own?

Ironically, my senior year has so many similarities to my freshman year... my roomie and I laugh about it actually. But despite the similarity of events, I see such a difference in how they affect me.

This semester has already brought a lot of changes, and I wonder on a regular basis how it is that I have changed this much since last year. I have so many big choices ahead of me, and so many plans for the future. I know so many of the decisions I have made in the last few months confuse my friends, but I know in my heart that I am at peace with each and every one of them right now. I am so happy... and that happiness isn't based on some other person or on anything superficial, but its simply because I am living the life I want. I am pushing myself and working hard and getting to where it is that I have always wanted to be. And I have some amazing people in my life who are cheering me on every step of the way. I would not trade that for the world...

Getting too comfortable...

Please tell me where in the Bible it says that God calls Christians to find their comfort zone and stay there. No really, I'll wait.

You didn't find it did you? That is because it does not say that!!! Look at Moses- he didn't want to speak, but God told him to do it anyway- He told Moses that He was going to use him despite his weaknesses. Peter didn't want to get out of the boat, but God told him to walk and he did. And there is this chick named Mary and her man Joseph (thanks Jenny!).... I seriously doubt getting married when she was expecting a kid that wasn't his was in their comfort zone. Especially when a guy saying he is an angel shows up and says that this baby is going to be the Messiah!

So why do we look for our comfort zones? Why do we hide, when we know we will be found? (Think Jonah here- getting eaten by a whale is a big wake up call that maybe listening and taking that step out of your comfort zone was a good idea after all!) 

Thats my challenge. To me, to you, to my church right now: hop out of that comfort zone, and find out what amazing things God has in store for you!!

New School Year, New Look!

I decided that since it was time for a new school year, perhaps it was time for a new look around here. There are still a few glitches I need to try and work out, but for the most part the layout is done. :)

The lake this weekend was awesome, learned to drive (and flip!) a jet ski, got lots of interesting looks tubing behind a camo flat bottom fishing boat... It was just a good time hanging out with family and good friends. 

If the next couple of weeks don't start going faster, I swear I'll go nuts. I need school and my never ending pile of homework to keep me distracted!