Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down 
and wiped our tears away, 
stepped in and saved the day. 
But once again, I say amen 
and it's still raining 
as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain, 
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away. 

Chorus: 
And I'll praise you in this storm 
and I will lift my hands 
for You are who You are 
no matter where I am 
and every tear I've cried 
You hold in your hand 
You never left my side 
and though my heart is torn 
I will praise You in this storm 

I remember when I stumbled in the wind 
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again 
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on 
if I can't find You 
and as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain 
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away 

Chorus 

I lift my eyes onto the hills 
where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth 
I lift my eyes onto the hills 
where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth 

Chorus 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The words to this song have been playing over and over in my head all day. 

Saying today was a bad day would not really touch the surface.

It is almost laughable actually... because just when I think surely this is it! Something else happens.

But at the end of the day... no matter what else happens in the 8 or so hours before I go to bed tonight... I know a few things will still be true.

I know my God will be holding me when I can't go on.

I know that He will not give me more than I can handle.

I know I have amazing friends... I know that if my best friend could magically leave AZ and be in TX right now, she would be by my side, laughing and trying to steal my favorite blanket while we watch movies.

I know that no matter how bad today is, it is still a gift. It is still a chance to learn, a chance to enhance the lives around me, a chance to be a witness to the power of God.

It is one more day I have to live to the max... every second... even when that means just breaking down and crying over a spilt TV dinner. But its a day to feel and experience and touch and smell. 

A day to remember no matter how hard today is... there are so many people who are so much worse off than I am, and that I am incredibly blessed that my problems are not far worse.

... war was just a game we played when we were kids...

For those of you who have heard this song, you know that taking that line out of context does not do the song justice. But how many Americans feel that war is just a game they played in their backyard with a water gun and their best friend?
This weekend, as I was driving back home, I passed through a small town that could not have had a population of more than a few hundred at most. As I glanced out my window, I noticed a large crowd in a yard. There were dozens of people in lawn chairs and milling around, watching the small country highway anxiously. A large banner in red, white, and blue proudly proclaimed "WELCOME HOME MITCH!", and was surrounded by balloons. There were yellow ribbons on the trees, and food laid out on tables. Someone was coming home from war. I felt my heart swell with pride for this soldier I had never met, and my eyes feel with tears. I prayed for Mitch, and for his friends and family, although I had no idea who they were.
You see, to me war is much more than a game that children play in their backyards. War is the reason that during my freshman year of college I was awakened at 4am with a crying phone call that my friend's brother in law had died. War is the reason that my former room mate has spent most of the last year sleeping in her bed alone, as her husband is deployed. War is the reason that I have learned to write letters and cards, and stuff flat rate boxes with random items.
What will it take for our generation to realize that there are men and women dying every day for their country? And not "old" people... people my age. People younger than me. People who are too young to drink or rent a car, they are over there fighting. Where I come from, most people understand war is real. I come from a patriotic state, where it is very common for a large percentage of a high school graduating class to enlist. My university is also quite aware of the costs of war- there are lamp posts across campus in memory of those students who have lost their lives fighting for our country. I'm not sure if it is possible to graduate from here and not have friends who are Air Force officers, most of whom will eventually end up fighting overseas in some capacity. But so many people have had different backgrounds... they don't really know someone going off to war. Or if they do, its a simple "Be safe buddy, lets grab a drink and catch up when you get back." But sometimes they don't return. And some of us deal with that reality on a regular basis.
The next time you are tempted to blow off something about the war and think it doesn't really affect you... please remember that even though that soldier isn't YOUR brother/son/boyfriend/husband/father... he is somebody's everything.
And please do not ever be like the guy I sat behind at a football game my sophomore year. He was loudly carrying on about the other team during the National Anthem, and I quietly asked him to please stop talking for a moment and show respect for our country and the men and women who protect it. He turned around and loudly told me that he could care less about those people. (My friend, an Army brat, and I had to be held back because we were about 2 seconds from attempting to hurt him... the guy ended up walking out of the game because of the response he got from our group over THAT comment... once the anthem was over of course.) If you are that apathetic, please learn some manners and keep your mouth closed. Or move to another country, I could care less which you choose.

Just a thought...

I was finishing up the Beartrail this morning... hating the fact that at 6:45 in the morning it was already getting nice and toasty, and I happened to look up at the science building. Now, for those of you who don't go to Baylor, this is a quite impressive building... it is actually the largest academic building in North America (SIC 'EM!). But across the left side, next to where I was walking, it proudly proclaims in stone "BY HIM ALL THINGS ARE MADE."

And as David Crowder blared in my ears, it made me stop and think. We do not make things in our own power. We do not do things in our own power. He gives us the strength, the tools, and the knowledge we need to do those things. And He gives us just enough for the task ahead. 

It was a comforting thought... I'm facing some big scary choices, and I know I don't have all the answers. But I know the one who does. And I know He will give me enough to make it through each day in His strength, so that I can look back and say that it was not me who made this work, it was Him.

-->>FiNALS!<<--

4 more and I will be a SENiOR!!! So since I am sleep deprived, sick, not wanting to look at advertising terms, and dreading my 9am final tomorrow, here are some things I have encountered/learned/wondered while studying this week.

10. Prostitution expenditures in the US are at about $20 billion, roughly equal to that of the domestic shoe industry. WHO RESEARCHES THAT AND HOW DO THEY KNOW???
9. Tiger Woods is the highest paid celebrity endorser of products. This was actually a question on my final from hell. I mean, why is this a test of my knowledge of the course???
8. Why is it that, when studying in the business lobby, someone ALWAYS has food, and it always makes you famished, even if you just ate? And the pizza that appeared every Wednesday at 5 last semester that nobody ate, what was that for???
7. Why do professors think we don't know all these technology chapters in our textbooks, and insist on putting them on finals? Honestly, who do you think created, tested, and perfected this stuff? Plus, its all just a bunch of hokey terms made up by old dudes trying to be cool.
6. Whoever was supposed to close the Panhellenic computer lab tonight and chose to just walk off and leave it all open is my HERO... because I should have been kicked out two hours ago.
5. Studying the same subject by the pool 3 days in a row will result in a slightly warped textbook. Sadly, this was my advertising book, which happens to be silver and very nice looking. I have yet to decide if I am keeping it or selling it back... maybe this is my sign to keep it.
4. The screen shots in my advertising book bother me. Some are on a Mac, some are on a PC, some are from a VERY old PC... consistency people. Use the Mac!! I mean, look what you can do on a Mac...
3. Do not lay out in the same chair every day. Mix it up. Otherwise, one side of you will be darker than the other...
2. When Baylor opened in 1845, tuition was $15, and room/board/laundry was $8 per semester. That comes out to about $396.22 in 2007 dollars for tuition, and $176.10 in fees. So please tell me why tuition for 2008-2009 is $23,664, and with required fees, the cheapest dorm and meal plan, it totals $35,472???? (Which, I also might add, is about $4000 more than 07-08...)
1. Whoever invented online flashcards was brilliant. I'm nuts for not using them for the last 2 tests.

MOViNG ON

So... when someone dies, its natural that after awhile you have to move on. And this takes different amounts of time for different people. But sometimes its just hard. Its hard finishing another semester without Kate. It was hard tonight to have another "last meeting of the semester"... because then all I could think about was finishing out last semester, and Kate's empty chair beside me. I was listening to Just a Little Girl by Stephen Speaks tonight, and for some reason I just kept thinking about Kate. She will always be a little girl kinda... caught in that moment between childhood and being an adult. I hate that, I want her here next to me, scheming about recruitment and boys and summer jobs. This summer you were supposed to be in Italy sweet girl... sending us pictures of hot Italian guys and soaking up all the artwork possible. You had your grand plan to stay there between semesters and finish the fall there too... haha come back just in time for my last semester, your 21st, Vegas.... 

Its just not fair sometimes. I know shes in a better place, but I am still human, still selfish, and I still want her to walk into the room laughing about something silly... I just want to watch that smile light up one more time. One more hug. One more picture, just like our favorite one of us. One more laugh. That last phone call I almost made, just an hour before the wreck. I should have called. I should have gotten to tell you one more time how much I love you.

Lessons Learned This Semester...

1. Priorities are important.

This semester started out on a stressful note, with recruitment, no sleep, the lovely ticket on the way to Houston, and so many unanswered questions. I could have let this take over, and I did for awhile, but I was constantly upset. So I let it go. Honestly, questions don't answer themselves any faster if you stress about it.  

I also had to sit down and think about what mattered. Life is not a guarantee, its a gift. If tomorrow isn't promised, what do I need to get done today? If today is the last time I see one of my friends, what is it that I will always wish I had done with them?

2. Laughing is important.

Honestly, I don't think I have laughed this much ever. Except maybe freshman year with the ROTC guys, and I should post those videos on youtube so EVERYONE can see the insane stuff that went on in 3309. But seriously, being able to laugh at yourself is important. Sleeping through class is not the end of the world, laugh it off. Neither is slipping down the stairs of a building in front of all your friends... oh wait, that was last year, and I can just now laugh about that! :) But I mean, so what that everyone is judging you for watching TV through the window during a fire... if it makes ya laugh (and is reasonably safe!) why not? Girls nights out will always be the best memories... so will hanging out with random friends you would have normally never done something with outside of school.

3. Let things go.

For those of you who have never had more than a very casual conversation with me, I have had 13 majors in 3 years. Now, mostly I laugh about this, I realize thats insane. But I have always wanted to do a million things with my life, and would plan and plan and plan on how to do everything. But this semester I just kind of... dropped it. All of it. I let go, and let God. And yes, my life is taking a completely different direction now. But I am so excited about it, and I am so much at peace. I know it doesn't make sense to a lot of people why I would want to do this, but I know that this is my dream, and I have found my passion, and I am going for it.

4. Live BIG. 

I feel I can't start this one without borrowing some words from Kyle Lake. Kyle was a young pastor at a church around here who was electrocuted while getting ready to baptize someone my freshman year of college. These were his sermon notes for that day:

Live. And Live Well. BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now. On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun.
If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE. Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time.
If you bike, pedal HARD… and if you crash then crash well.
Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done—a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed. If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old’s nose, don’t be disgusted if the Kleenex didn’t catch it all… because soon he’ll be wiping his own.
If you’ve recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well. At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you’re eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift."

These words are on my bulletin board above my desk, and I look at them often. When I think of the way Kate lived, I think a lot about what Kyle said here. That is the kind of life I want to live, the kind I hope I live everyday.

5. The most random people can change your life.

I looked around the table at dinner tonight, and it made me smile. To my right was a guy that has been my friend since about the first week of college, and has honestly been through everything with me. Next to him was a guy that I have had a few classes with, but only just started to hang out with. Then there was one of my little freshman that I love... this kid calls me all the time with the most random things, but I love her to death and she always makes me laugh. And then another girlfriend to my left, who is just so loud and fun and has never met a stranger. It was just such a good picture of the friends I have right now... I would say honestly of the 3 people I talk to the most, one I met freshman year, one I got close to the end of sophomore year, and the other I met this year. They are all SO different, but they all make me laugh and bring out the best in me (most of the time!!!!) Honestly, I'm not sure what made me talk to any of them, or made any of them talk to me. But through random occurrences, they are my favorite people.

6. Embrace your inner nerd.

Its ok to be smart, and its ok to act smart. Now, based on some grades, I am sure I have some profs who might question my intelligence about now. And I don't think I would blame them really. But for the first time, I don't feel shy about knowing something. I have this thirst for knowledge (not all knowledge, only marketing knowledge, and only when I have slept!) and I just want to learn more and more. Which is part of the reasoning behind grad school. 

There are a few more. I may come back and add more. Or I may not. But these were all important. 

Just some thoughts...

Those of you who know me well know that I have spend several years working with middle school and high school students at a few different churches. While sadly my schedule does not allow me to work with them at the present, I still remember some very cool lessons I have learned from some of these kiddos. Tonight I was having a rough night, and I remembered a letter that I have had in my Bible for at least 4 years now, which I treasure dearly. It was written by a much younger friend of mine, whom I have not talked to for years, and yet I think about this letter often. This is parts of it:

Isaiah 43:1-4

He who created you

He who formed you-

Fear not... I have called you by name; you are mine...

When you pass through the waters (hard times) I will be with you;

When you pass through rivers (hard times, disappointments) they will not sweep over you!

When you walk through the fire (hard times, disappointments, sadness) you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord your God- you are precious and honored in my sight!

hey chick- the las time I had a hard time my moma gave these verses to me! they really helped me& I thought it might help you a little more!... These are 4 verses you want to know 4 the rest of your life. Since my last hard time I have kept these verses on my night stand. Whenever I go to sleep I start thinking a lot about some stupid stuff. If something is bugging me I turn my lamp on and read these verses! I hope they will help you the way they helped and are helping me!... Love ya, Ann

Now honestly, this letter has no date, and I could not begin to tell you what I must have been going through for her to write this. But for years, when I have gone to bed and been worrying about a lot, I have turned on MY lamp and re read this letter. The paper is worn and crinkled, but I consider it to be one of the most precious things in my nightstand. So here I am, sharing this with you. I don't know who reads this, and I don't know who needs those verses tonight, or even years from now. But I needed them tonight, and I felt like I should share.